A Very Special Offer from a Legitimate Company

G.G. BREACHBIRTH, LLC

At G.G. Breachbirth, we understand how hard it is to wait for future payments from your annuity or structured settlement when you need to Waste Your Money Now. Our knowledgeable staff can help you get cash in a lump sum by purchasing your annuity or structured settlement so you will have the discretionary income you need to waste on what some would call stupid or frivolous purchases. Call right now and learn why our motto is “Spend It While You’ve Got It.”

Just because you’re “bad with numbers” or “no good with money” or “financially incompetent,” that’s no reason why you should let “financial experts” tell you how to spend your money. We understand the circus owner has another offer for the elephant and needs a check today. If you take time to get advice from the so-called “trained professionals” that elephant’s going to be pooping on the hood of somebody else’s hot pink Hummer. They didn’t earn that money, you did, by being horribly mutilated in an industrial accident so awful your co-workers are still in therapy. At G.G. Breachbirth we know that you’ve got more money than you do time, and we are prepared to act fast.

We at G.G. Breachbirth understand that sometimes it’s not about all of those numbers and pie charts. Sometimes it’s about the big picture. Like the black velvet Elvis Presley portrait in a solid gold frame that you want to buy right now. We are more than eager to take advantage of this situation to help you.

We’ll work closely with you to create solutions that solve your impulsive financial needs. We won’t bore you with the confusing talk like the so-called “financial experts.” At G.G. Breachbirth, you’ll never hear any of our seemingly friendly staff throw big words around, like “compound interest” or “amortization” or “vigorish.”

You are a visionary. When everybody else said you were throwing your money away on lottery tickets, you listened to your heart, switched to Basics, and doubled up. Now that you’re a winner, these same “concerned loved ones” are telling you to save your money, to invest in safe, boring investment devices with a guaranteed return. You didn’t listen to them when you were poor, so why start now when you can buy and sell them like the cheap trash they are. Here at G.G. Breachbirth, we know our place. As long as you sign the paperwork, we’ll give you the much smaller check. We wouldn’t dare question you, player.

In addition, through our sister company, G.G. Breachbirth Subsistence Payments, we buy your paid off life insurance policies, at a fraction of their actual value, giving you the money you need today to invest in Longaberger baskets and Franklin Mint collectibles. We understand your hopes of providing for your children’s college educations with sound investments such as these. Here at G.G. Breachbirth, we try not to judge.

To discover how G.G. Breachbirth can help you to Waste Your Money Now, call 1-800-BADATMATH or fill out the enclosed Take My Money Now form.

*Not legal in any state except Calisota.