Alternate Reality Dukes of Hazzard

The formula: Three cousins raised by their cantankerous uncle fight for
justice against the corrupt local crime lord and his policemen minions. Add
two unknown leading men, one sexy girl in a skimpy outfit, veteran character
actors in all the other roles, and a slumming star from another medium as
the Narrator.

The Dukes of Hoboken
Bobo and Luka Dukowski are cousins from the docks on parole for loan
sharking, a proud family tradition that's just a little bit more than the
law will allow. Cousin Daisy works as a topless waitress in a dive owned by
local crime boss, Boss Hoggawicz (George Dzunda), their mortal nemesis. The
father figure in their life is Uncle Jessie (George Carlin) and they are
always under the watchful eye of police Sgt. Roscoe P. Coltrowski (Wayne
Knight). With the help of their loyal ally handyman/snitch Virgil "Vag"
Vagnitz (Elias Koteas), they're fighting the system like two modern day
Robin Hoods.
Their car: Metallic blue 1969 Dodge Charger, with a Jersey Devil logo
painted on roof. Horn plays: "Born to Run".
Daisy's outfit: Hot pants, boots and fur jacket.
Narrator: Bruce Springsteen
"...someday the turnpike might get them, but the law never will..."

The Dukes of Harlem
Bubba and LL LaDuke are cousins from the projects on parole for pimping, a
proud family tradition that's just a little bit more than the law will
allow. Cousin Daisy is a waitress in the soul food restaurant owned by local
crime boss Boss Hogge (Roscoe Lee Browne), their mortal nemesis. Their
mother figure is retired madam Jessie (Della Reese) and they are always
under the watchful eye of Det. Sgt. R.P. Coltrane (John Witherspoon). With
the help of their loyal ally, retired pimp turned building super O.P.P.
(Flava Flav), they're fighting the system like two modern day Robin Hoods.
Car: 1969 Dodge Charger, jet black, with the Pan African Flag painted on the
roof. It also has low profiles and gold rims.
Sound system announces them with "F### the Police."
Daisy's outfit: Daisy Dukes and a gold lame bikini top with 6 inch clogs.
Narrator: Snoop Dogg, of course.
"...someday the ghetto might get them, but the law never will..."


The Dukes of Hell's Kitchen
Bobby and Luke O'Duke are cousins from the mean streets on
parole for taking protection money, a proud family tradition that's just a
little bit more than the law will allow. Their cousin Daisy is a bartender
in the pub owned by local crime boss Boss Hogg (Ed Asner), their mortal
nemesis. Their father figure is Uncle Jess (John Mahoney who is actually
not Irish but Welsh) and they are always under the watchful eye of Det. Sgt.
Roscoe P. Coltrane (Donal Logue). Along with their loyal ally, loud
mouthed, drunken former stand up comic Boyo (Colin Quinn); they're fighting
the system like two modern day Robin Hoods.
Car: 1969 Dodge Charger, green, with the Notre Dame Fightin' Irishman on
the roof. Touchdown Jesus on the dashboard. Unlike the original Gen. Lee, this car has been heavily damaged.
Horn plays: Notre Dame fight song.
Daisy's outfit: Catholic school girl outfit with the shirt tied up to
reveal the belly, pony tails.
Narrator: Eveready.
"...someday the Dagos might get them, but the law never will..."


The Dukes of O'Hare
Bobo and Luka Ducci are cousins from the mean streets of Chicago on parole
for hijacking, a proud family tradition that's just a little bit more than
the law will allow. To put herself through nursing school, cousin Daisy
works as a nude dancer in the bar owned by local crime boss Boss Hoggia
(Danny Devito), their mortal nemesis. Their father figure is Uncle Jessie
(Robert Loggia) and they are always under the watchful eye of Det. Sgt.
Rocco P. Coltrini (Dennis Farina). With the help of loyal ally and pizza
parlor owner "Cooz" (Joe Pesci),they're fighting the system like two modern
day Robin Hoods.
Car: 1969 Dodge Charger, blue, with green fender, and the Italian Tricolor
on the roof.
Horn plays: the theme from the "Godfather".
Daisy's outfit: Glitter, 12 inch heels, clever camera angles.
Narrator: Tony Bennett.
"...someday the Irish might get them but the law never will..."

The Dukes of Hollywood
Bryan and Layne Duke (real nameTerence and Allen Lipschitz) are cousins from
Tinsel Town on parole for trading sex for acting roles, a proud family
tradition that's just a little bit more than the law will allow. Troubled
cousin Daisy (real name Agatha) is a porn star who works for porn overlord Boss Hogg
(Saul Rubinek), their mortal nemesis, who keeps her supplied with drugs.
Their mother figure is "Aunt makes me sound old" Jessie (Joan Rivers), and
they are always under the watchful eye of studio chief of security Rob
Coltrane (Corbin Bernson). Along with their loyal ally, scuzzy unlicensed
plastic surgeon "Puter" (Pauly Shore), they're fighting the system like two
modern day Robin Hoods.
Car: 1969 Dodge Charger, metallic gold flake, with a silver star of David
on the roof. This car is always seen on the ass end of a tow truck, either
broken down or in the process of being repossessed.
Horn plays: "Hava Nagila".
Daisy's outfit: Roller skates, sunglasses, pool water.
Narrator: Liza Minnelli.
"...some day directors won't want them, but the law always will..."

The Dukes of Hyde Park
Beauregard "Bo" and Wynthrop "Lucky" Featheringay are the penniless heirs to
the Dukedom of Hazzard. The dissolute, degenerate cousins from London are on
parole for running an homosexual clique in their public school for profit, a proud
family tradition that's just a little bit more than the law will allow.
Cousin Daisy, named after the doomed heroine in a James Miller novel, is a
page three girl for press magnate Boss Rudolph Klein-Hogge (Robbie
Coltraine), their mortal nemesis, and a foreigner to boot, dash it all.
Their father figure is faithful family retainer Jesper (John Cleese), who
has not been paid in decades, and they are always under the watchful eye of
Chief Inspector R. P. Coltraine (Rowan Atkinson), who envies them their
titles and status. With the assistance of loyal lackey "Winky" (Rik
Mayall),a public school whipping boy turned Internet billionaire, they're
fighting the system like two modern day Robin Hoods.
Car: Royal blue 1969 Aston Martin with a Union Jack on the roof, which they
inherited and have painted as an ironic comment.
Horn plays: "Rule, Britannia."
Daisy's outfit: Daisy Dukes with a Union Jack bikini top, 12 inch heels,
and knee high socks.
Narrator: Keith Richards (with subtitles).
"...they're much too clever for the law to apprehend..."

The Dukes of the Heartland
Coy and Vance Duke are cousins from the mean streets of Speedway, Indiana on
parole for manufacturing meth, a proud family tradition that's just a little
bit more than the law will allow. Cousin Daisy does Internet porn for local
crime boss, Boss Hogg (George Wendt), their mortal nemesis and owner of the
trailer park where they live. The father figure in their life is Uncle
Jesse (Brian Dennehy) and they are always under the watchful eye of police
Sgt. Roscoe P. Coltrane (Jim Nabors). With the aid of their loyal ally,
paint huffing laid off auto worker "Taint" (David Letterman), they're
fighting the system like two modern day Robin Hoods.
Their car: Orange 1969 Dodge Charger, with Dixie on the roof even though
their ancestors fought on the Union side of the Civil War.
Horn plays: "Jack and Diane"
Daisy's outfit: Daisy Dukes, Colts shirt stretched over her huge fake
breasts.
Narrator: John Mellencamp.
"...someday the meth might get them but the law never will..."

That's all I've got. How many Duke Variations can you come up
with?